Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
