just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
