booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
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I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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