I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
