My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
