I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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