dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
