She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
