I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
