She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
