I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
