once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
