You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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