People in love make me want to vomit
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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