It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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