Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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