He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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