ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
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