fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
