woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
