I am puke
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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