the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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