My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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