so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
