Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
