end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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