You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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