i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
