Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Vodka?
Forever.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
