??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
