Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
