Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
