You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
