You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
