i'm signing you up for texting rehab
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
