I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
