Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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