I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
