Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
