I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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