why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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