I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
