I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
His nipple licking is glorious
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