I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
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