Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
