omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
