Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
