3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Randomize
