How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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