Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
