part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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