He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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