I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I got inside last night via doggy door
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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