"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Randomize
