Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
