she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
