Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
