Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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