Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
