So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I think your dad took our porno
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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