so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
