Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
