I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize