if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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