how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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