Cold hands, warm shart.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
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