i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
