I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Randomize
