I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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