So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
