I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
