so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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