Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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