I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
