Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I'm like, not good at living.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
