He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
