a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
