I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
