the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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