i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
