I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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