I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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