I hate your face
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
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