I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
