We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
These tits shall not be calmed
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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