____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
