Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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